A Cuddle and a Kiss on the Forehead
by dedkake
Summary: In which Tonks helps Remus remember. Takes place after the attack at the Ministery. Light SBRL.


A Cuddle and a Kiss on the forehead

Remus scooted closer to Tonks, slightly rumpling the sheets on Sirius's bed. He laid his head in her lap as he buried his face in his hands and wept quietly. Sirius was dead; he was gone, and this time he wasn't coming back. There was no way that he was coming back. Ever again. Unlike all the other times he had gone away. Tonks ran her fingers through his hair gently in a sort of comfort. Remus sniffled.

"I feel like a pathetic idiot. I always do," he said softly.

Tonks didn't answer for a few moments. "Always?"

A small, sad smile ghosted across Remus's face. "Sirius and I always do this... we have since first year." The werewolf attempted to pay attention to the fingers in his hair instead of dwelling on old memories that he would much rather not think about; things that would never happen again. He sighed. "It was how we first really met, you know?"

"Tell me about it," said Tonks.

Remus sighed again. "Well, it was during lunch on the first day of our first term. That wasn't, of course, the first time we'd met, considering we were roommates, but it was the first time we really ever talked– before we had even the vaguest notion that we would be Marauders together, along with James and Peter...

* * *

For his very first breakfast in the Great Hall, Remus sat at the seat closest to the teachers' table, keeping as far away from the other students as possible. He had decided that he would go without friends at school, so as to keep them, and himself, from being hurt. Even with this rule in place, the other first year Gryffindor's were already attempting to make friends with him. 

Lily Evens was sitting across from him and had tried to make conversation with him (and failed). Peter ... whatever his last name had been, sat next to Remus, but ignored the werewolf and continued to listen to James Potter (disgusting boy) talk about his new broom. Black (Remus could not remember his first name– it had been very uncommon) sat next to Lily, grinning brightly and making dirty jokes and anything that anyone said. It seemed that he had started grinning when he had been sorted into Gryffindor, and hadn't thought to stop.

Then the mail came. It was amazing to watch: all of the owls soar over the Great Hall, stopping at a student here, and a student there, giving out the mail. A large package landed right into James' porridge, covering the boy in the stuff. James beamed. Remus received a thin envelope a few seconds later, and recognized his father's neat scrawl.

Before he could read the letter, a large, red letter fell into Black's lap; a howler. Remus had never witnessed one before, but had heard enough about them to know that they were terrible things. He couldn't help but wonder what his roommate could have done to deserve one. The entire Gryffindor table (along with several people from other tables) had stopped opening their own mail and eating their breakfasts to see what would happen.

Black's smile had been replaced with a dark glare. "Dammit! Go away!" he yelled, throwing the sizzling howler across the Hall toward the Slytherin table like a frisbee. It exploded halfway to it's destination, right over the unfortunate Ravenclaw table.

"SIRIUS BLACK! HOW YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THAT NAME! HOW DARE YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SORTED INTO THAT NASTY HOUSE OF MUDBLOODS! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO PULL YOU OUT OF THAT SCHOOL RIGHT NOW! I HAVE _MORE_ THAN HALF A MIND TO COMPLETELY DISOWN YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW! YOU TALK TO THAT HEADMASTER OF YOURS RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND OWL ME STRAIT AWAY, YOU HORRIBLE MISTAKE OF A BOY!"

There was silence in the Hall for a moment before Sirius began to laugh. Everyone looked at him as if he were crazy. Some of the Slytherins sneered, some laughed as well, but everyone else remained silent. Remus couldn't understand what was so funny about it, but Sirius seemed to think that it was a riot. Our prefect, Matthew Foot, walked over to Black and pulled on the boy's sleeve. "Come on," he said, "let's go talk about this somewhere else."

After the two had left, the Great Hall erupted with chatter. Gossip would soon be over the entire school. Remus didn't know why, but the whole thing saddened him– from the nasty letter to Black's missing smile.

Black missed all of their morning lessons, and at lunch, he wasn't anywhere to be seen. Remus was sitting next to Lily again, munching on piece of lunch meat. The red head turned to him and said, "I wonder how he is."

Remus nodded. "Maybe you should go check on him."

Lily made a face. "I can't go into the boys' dorms! That's just gross! You go!"

Remus sighed, "Fine, I'll go."

The truth was, Remus didn't really mind. He wasn't too keen on being in that large of a group of kids, and he was just a little bit curious about what was going on with Black. The boy intrigued him, a lot. So, as Lupin walked out of the Great Hall (still nibbling on that same piece of lunch meat), he looked quite happy.

Remus found Black on in the dorm room. The boy was laying face down on his bed, crying softly, but he looked up when the door opened. A glare marred his features again. "What do you want! Go away!" he said, throwing a pillow that hit Remus with what seemed like extremely well-practiced precision.

The werewolf had been planning on leaving since the moment he had spotted Black crying, but stopped when he heard a note of desperation in the boy's voice. He instead sat down next to Sirius and laid a hand on the boy's back in what he hoped was a soothing way. "That was an awful thing for your mother to send you," he said, his voice sincere.

"Why do you care?" Black asked, burying his face into his pillow.

Remus mulled over an answer for a moment. "Because I care, does it really matter why?"

Silence stretched between the two, and it was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, but on the whole, rather companionable. After a short while Black sat up and put his arms around Remus in a tight hug; Remus slowly lifted his arms to hug the boy back. Their silence continued as Remus began to run his fingers through Black's hair consolingly, just like his mother had done for him, as the boy sobbed into his shoulder.

After a few moments, Black pulled away, muttering a thank you under his breath. Remus nodded and moved to get up. "Anytime," he said, smiling, "but I had better be going now; class is starting soon. Don't want to be late for my first," he checked the schedule in his pocket, "Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson."

Sirius tugged on Remus's arm before the boy was out of his reach. "Hold a moment, would you? I've gotta go too! I can't miss my whole first day at Hogwarts moping around the dorm!" With that, he jumped up and shook his head in a quite valiant attempt to correct his shaggy hair. After a quick wipe at his eyes to clear the rest of his tears, he said, "Alright! I'm ready to go, you ready?"

Remus nodded, uncertainly, but then grinned as the two marched out of the dorm. "So, what'd you think of my mum?" Sirius asked animatedly.

Again, an uncertain look passed over Remus's face, but the look that Sirius gave him told that everything and anything was acceptable. "I thought she was perfectly dreadful."

* * *

"From then on we were pretty much friends," Remus finished, smiling and laughing slightly at the memory. "It seems so silly now that I never wanted to have friends, but even after that incident I didn't want to have friends. I can't seem to understand it, but Sirius did, even when he didn't know what I was– he understood and he hated it. After that he would always be there for me, no matter when it was, no matter that I wouldn't tell him it was wrong... or if I was being completely antisocial."

Tonks looked down at Remus fondly. "Like when?"

Remus looked away, frowning. "Around my first transformation at Hogwarts, only a few days after start of term, I was feeling awful...

* * *

Remus curled up in his hospital wing bed, hugging his pillow close. He had been eating breakfast that morning while talking to Sirius, Lily, and James (a not so disgusting boy anymore) like any normal boy would in the morning. But then he had remembered that he wasn't normal at all, and in less then 48 hours he could be tearing those people limb-from-limb, and the thought had made him sick– quite literally.

"I can't do this," Remus muttered to himself, tears pricking at his eyes. "I can't go on for seven years like this." He squeezed his pillow tighter

He didn't know what to do. Graduation seemed like an eternal seven years away. Could he keep this ragged friendships up while lying through his teeth almost every second of the day? It seemed like it would be impossible not to tell people that he might kill them one night while they lay unsuspecting in their beds; it was even harder to lie to Sirius when he was asked what was wrong. But somehow he didn't see the answer, "oh, nothing, I was just thinking about how tasty your arm might be for a midnight snack," going over too well.

The boy leaned over the edge of the bed and was sick again in the bowl that had been placed there. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he drank from the glass next to his bed. The liquid looked and tasted quite like water, but was supposed to calm upset stomachs– Remus didn't think it was working.

Lunch hour came and passed, and no one came to visit Remus, save for Madame Pomfrey. The boy slept most of the day, as he thought whenever he was awake, and whatever he thought about made him sick again. The sleep was very unfulfilled, because he kept having dreams about friends leaving him alone.

Throughout his waking hours, Remus had convinced himself that it was better that none of his so-called friends were coming to visit him; that none of the cared enough to visit him, so he wouldn't have to care about them. So as the dinner hour came and passed, it didn't bother him that no one came to visit.

The doors to the Hospital Wing burst open around seven thirty, and in strode Sirius Black nursing a swollen wrist and limping slightly. Remus sat up quickly, his eyes wide. He forgot about his own problems as Sirius hobbled toward the bed next to his own and sat down. Black grinned. "Sirius! What happened to you?"

"James pushed me down the stairs," Sirius said lightly, as if it were a common occurrence. "So sorry I didn't get in here to see you earlier!"

Remus blinked, and then stared. "What?"

Sirius sighed. "We've been trying to get in here all day. This morning in Potions Lily gave herself a paper cut and asked Slughorn if she could come up here to get it fixed, we thought for sure that Sluggy would do us the favor, but we were wrong. He sent her to wash it in the sink.

"At lunch Slughorn had a meeting, and James and I had a... a talk with Dumbledore about that dungbomb in the Slytherins' soup. And then, during Care of Magical Creatures, we all tried to sneak away, but we all got landed in detention and are under dorm arrest for three days (they thought we were trying to get into the Forbidden Forest). All of us being James, Lily (although she wasn't too keen since James was going), Peter, and myself.

"So we figured that if one of us fell down the stairs and got injured, they would have to let us come up here! So here I am!" Sirius beamed.

Remus was overwhelmed with this story, and let himself take a few moments to digest it. "Y-you didn't have to go through all that trouble! And now you're injured because of me! Ohh!" he said, grabbing Sirius's hand and examining the boy's wrist.

The swollen appendage was pulled away. "Don't worry, I'm sure Pomfrey can fix it up in less then five minutes. Oh yeah! The other reason I'm here!" Sirius frowned and sat next to Remus. "Pomfrey can fix up all these little injuries and ailments in a heartbeat. How come you're still in here?"

Remus gulped. "I'm still not feeling well. This... stuff she's giving me isn't really helping at all."

"You must be making yourself sick, Remus. Tell me what's wrong."

Lupin hid his face. "It's nothing."

"Liar."

"Madame Pomfrey! Sirius is hurt!" Remus called out. Sirius glared.

The nurse came running out of her little office. "What happened?" she asked and she examined the offending arm and leg.

"I fell down the stairs."

"How many?" she wrapped the wrist and applied a magical ice pack that would turn on and off every twenty minutes.

Sirius frowned. "I don't know," he paused to think, "all of them?"

"Good enough." She put another ice pack around his ankle and smiled. "Now, stay here for a few minutes or until it stops aching, and then you can go right back to your dorm." She got up and turned to Remus. "Feeling any better?"

He offered her a weak smile. "A little."

"A good friend was all you needed." She left, smiling.

Sirius glared at him, but his eyes softened. "Now, what's wrong, Remus?"

"I swear it's nothing," he said, shaking his head back and forth, tears in his eyes again.

Sirius wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Please, Remus, tell me what's bothering you. You're worrying me!"

Remus broke out sobbing. "I-It'ss no-othing. F-fami-ily pr-oblems. I. I don-n't wan-na talk abou-out it!" Through his sobbing, he was having trouble pulling air into his lungs to form proper words.

A small sigh escaped Sirius's lips, and he pulled the boy closer to him, so the Remus's face was near his shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around the boy and calmly stroked the fine hair on Remus's head. "Shh. It's ok. I'm sorry I bothered you about it." Sirius began to rock back and forth while Remus cried. "If you ever, ever, _ever_ need to talk to anyone about anything, you can talk to me. Anytime, anywhere."

* * *

"He was the one usually comforting after that. I was always depressed about something or other."

Tonks sighed. "I can see why Sirius would want to un-depress you."

Remus snorted. "I doubt you could fathom the amount of times that it was him causing me to be depressed. That man had no tact what-so-ever."

Tonks giggled and resumed her fidgeting with his hair. "Don't tell me you fell madly in love with him and he didn't notice, and you pined away after him day and night."

"I am not and was never a hopeless romantic. I did not pine. Your cousin just happened to be a git."

"I'm cannot say that I didn't suspect that to be the case, but please, tell me about his jerky school days."

Remus frowned. "Ok, third year, the year you learn about dark beasts in DADA, they figured me out, Sirius, James, and Peter. None of them were too happy about." The werewolf stopped talking, pulling at the sheets with his fingers and looking at all the scars amassed on the back of his hand. "Who am I kidding? They were all terrified of me. They all hated me, and didn't mind telling me so...

* * *

Remus squished himself into a distant corner of the library. It was the only place he felt safe; the only place he felt that he could get away from the accusing looks he seemed to be getting from everyone. There were two books in his hands: _The Big Book of Big Bads _and _Midnight Madness: A Complete Guide to Werewolves_. These were his downfall. It was because of these books that Sirius, James, and Peter had left him.

He knew he couldn't fool himself like that. It was his own fault. If he hadn't become a werewolf, if he wasn't what he was, then he could lead a normal life, and have none of these pains and pain none of these people. But he was a werewolf, and he didn't have a normal life. People hated him because of what he was, and that was how it would always be. That was how it was supposed to be.

The boy choked when he remembered their faces when they had confronted him, full of anger, hate, and disgust. James had almost hit him– Sirius stopped him. Peter had flinched whenever Remus moved. Sirius had looked hurt and angry, like he was disappointed in Remus. The werewolf had begged them not to spread the news, not to tell anyone else. They grudgingly agreed, as long as Remus promised to stay away from them as much as he could. Their words still stung him as if they were still saying them to him in this secluded corner of the library.

Remus slowly fell into a troubled sleep in the late Saturday afternoon, only to be woken up an hour later by a tap on the shoulder. He looked around groggily, trying to remember where he was and what had happened. "Wha-?" Then he remembered. He flinched away from the hand on his arm. "Go away, Sirius."

The other boy pulled away, but did not leave. "Look, Remus, I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. We were real jerks back there."

"You don't have to apologize, I understand. I wouldn't want to be my friend either. Now will you please leave me alone?" Remus wouldn't look Sirius in the eye; he was too afraid of what he might see there.

Sirius frowned. "But I want to apologize, and I want to make it up to you. I still want to be your friend! I can't just throw a friendship like that away."

His voice sounded so sincere and desperate that Remus had to look at him. What he found made him want to forgive Sirius; it made him want to forget everything that had happened over the last 24 hours. "Look, Sirius," Remus's voice was pained, "it's safer this way. This is how I wanted it to be from my first day of school here."

"Don't say that!" Sirius almost yelled. "Please, Remus, I don't hate you, I don't fear you. We've been living in the same room for over two years and you haven't hurt anyone yet. I trust you!"

"I can't. James will be mad at you too. I can't ruin your friendship with him. I don't think I could deal with being around someone who hated me completely," Remus was almost crying, and he knew that he would give in soon.

Sirius growled. "Don't worry about James. I socked him good for what he said this morning. I already talked to them, and they wouldn't really mind having you as a friend again."

Remus looked around for something besides Sirius's face to focus on, he found the books that had been tools used against him. Anger filled him as he realized something. "You guys were looking for what was wrong with me! You were specifically searching for what I was. No, Sirius. I can't be friends with you guys anymore! Just leave me alone and everything will go back to normal." Remus stood up, dropping the books on the ground.

He turned to leave, but was stopped by Sirius's hand. He glared down at his fellow Gryffindor, who gave him a pleading look. "Lily dropped the clue that you were, you know. After that we just had to know. And it can never go back to normal if you're not there. We aren't the Marauders without you." There was a long, drawn out pause before Sirius continued, "Please, Remus, you don't have to forgive us. We were wrong– we were terribly wrong, but please, stay with us... I missed you so much today. It's not the same when you're gone."

The werewolf looked him over, angry tears streaming down his face. The glare melted and he sagged down to sit next to Sirius. "I miss you, too," he muttered, burying his face in Sirius's shirt as they hugged.

"Then come back," Sirius said, placing his chin on Remus's head and petting the boy's hair. He rubbed comforting circles on the boy's back. "I'm so sorry, Rem, I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

A bittersweet smile was on Remus's face. "He was good at that– playing with my hair. He had good hands," he paused, "He had Black hands. Just like you."

Tonks swatted at the hand that was now entangled in hers. "You have the worst ways of flattering people," she said, but grinned.

"I can't help it if it's the truth," Remus muttered, glancing around the room.

"So," Tonks pulled the subject away from herself, "how were you guys after that?"

There was a low laugh from Remus. "They held the grudge for a bit, but then they all decided it was pretty 'cool' to have a werewolf as a friend."

"I don't get how that was Sirius being jerky," Tonks said, raising an eyebrow at Remus.

"He was the one who had been doing all the research, after Lily dropped him a clue. I still can't believe they went behind my back to find out what was 'wrong' with me." Remus shook his head in an agitated manner. "They were such snoops."

"Did anything else ever happen between you and Sirius before you... you got together?"

Remus chuckled again. "Loads happened, but it's all too boring for me to tell you."

Tonks smiled and said, "I like listening to your voice. What was your favorite thing about Sirius?"

"I think I was addicted to his hands, before I even thought about him being something more than a friend. We were always touching in some way, although we didn't think anything of it then. We were just friends who would hug all the time, or sit or stand unnecessarily close to each other, or lean over each other as we explained things to others. We would even lay in each other's beds and cuddle at night time," he laughed. "We were quite oblivious, actually. It seems so silly now."

A grin spread over Tonks' face. "When'd you guys... become something more than just friends? Was it a spicy night?" she asked.

Remus's face went bright red. "Y-you don't need to hear about that!"

"Of course I do! What if I want to write a book and base the main characters off of the two of you someday! I've gotta have all the details!" Tonks said, her grin growing larger.

Remus's blush softened. "It's nothing special enough to go into a book, believe me. I'm not quite sure when it truly began, because it was not something that either of us acknowledged... until some third year girl asked us if we were... together. I think that the first time I realized something it was just a normal evening in 6th year. Sirius and I were laying in bed 'studying' like we always did...

* * *

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus's hair and gently massaged the boy's skull. Remus closed his eyes and leaned farther back into Sirius's lap, his book falling to the floor. The two boys were sitting on Sirius's bed, and had been testing each other for their upcoming DADA test. That, however, had been forgotten as soon as Sirius had put his fingers on Remus's head. A low chuckle rose from Sirius's chest and Remus felt it reverberate all through his insides and he shivered. "I can see the question now: How do you distract a werewolf?"

"Very funny," Remus mumbled, playfully shoving his elbow into Sirius's stomach.

They sat for a few moments, Sirius running soft hair between his fingers, and Remus almost purring with contentment, before the werewolf spoke, "You know what would make this even better?"

"What?"

Remus grinned. "Chocolate."

Again, the sensation of Sirius's voice made Remus shiver. "You and your chocolate. Jeez, there has got to be something you like more than chocolate!"

"Of course there is!" Remus said, still grinning. "But I'll only tell you if you give me a frog from your stash."

Sirius huffed. "Fine," he said, reaching behind himself to pull a box from next to his pillow toward him. He placed the box on Remus's lap. "That enough chocolate for you?" he asked, his fingers immediately back to the boy's hair.

Remus's eyes glowed with happiness. "Perfect!" He tore off the top of the box and gazed at its contents.

"Now, Remus, tell me what's better than chocolate," Sirius said as he watched his friend munch on a chocolate frog. It was gone in seconds to be replaced with a bar of kinder®.

The grin that now spread on Remus's face was slightly mischievous. "German chocolate," he said simply, finishing the bar and pulling out another.

"Well, if it's so much better than friends are, can I at least try a piece?" Sirius asked, looking hungrily at the chocolate.

Remus smiled and said, "of course!" and popped the rest of the bar into his mouth.

Sirius pouted. "No fair! I don't get an answer OR chocolate!"

"You already knew the answer, and it was YOUR chocolate! I bet you were the one who ate the rest of the package!" Remus said, leaning around to poke Sirius's nose.

The dog animagus grinned. "I could eat it out of your mouth..." he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Remus coughed and turned away to hide the deep blush staining his features. "Alright, you win, here's the last piece of kinder®!" He quickly set the bar into Sirius's hand.

Sirius laughed again, sending more thrills down Remus's spine. He pulled on Remus's arm so that the boy would turn to face him, and placed a light kiss on the werewolf's forehead. "Even if you don't think I'm better than chocolate, I'd take you over this stuff any day." With that, Sirius got up and stretched, walking out of the dorm room to the common room, leaving a dumbfounded Remus behind.

Remus's face was so warm he thought he might burn up and die right there. He had just been told that he was better than chocolate, and his teenaged mind had run off with the idea and was waving large posters in his head of all the different meanings that it could have. None of them made him the slightest bit upset.

He glanced down at his hand, and saw the kinder® bar sitting there, so incredibly innocently sitting there.

* * *

"Wow," Tonks said when Remus stopped talking. "My cousin really was a jerk!"

Remus chuckled. "If that was Sirius being jerky, he can be that way all the time."

Tonks' smiled. "He was a good kind of jerk, wasn't he?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"A very good kind... although I'm sure his enemies would never admit that..." Remus trailed off, lost in thought.

"So, did you know that you were gay, then?" Tonks asked, her fingers brushing lightly on to Remus's cheek as she stroked his hair.

The man laughed again. "I had no idea, really. I still don't think I am."

Tonks looked puzzled. "But you were with Sirius for... I don't know, forever!"

Remus nodded. "But I was never really attracted to anyone else besides him. Unless you count all those dumb, teenage years when I was just a normal guy who was attracted to anything that moved," he said.

A sad look crossed over Tonks' face; Remus didn't catch it. "So, did anything else happen to you guys at school?" she asked quietly.

Remus thought for a moment. His mind traveled over the incident where Sirius had sent Snape to him at the shack, and quickly shook his head. "Not really, well, nothing that needs to ever be mentioned again. After Hogwarts, Sirius and I shared an apartment with Peter (James and Lily were living together in their own apartment). That made it ten times worse when they were all gone. I hadn't lived on my own in years. It was terrible."

Tonks didn't really like the direction that the conversation was taking, but decided to follow anyway. "When was the last time you saw Sirius before, uh, he was taken away?" she asked nervously.

A small sadness tinted Remus's eyes as he began, "The night that they were killed Sirius came home very late. I was so worried...

* * *

The door burst open and Remus jumped up, his wand at the ready. The weapon was quickly lowered as Sirius came in, his face masked by his cloak. Remus went to him, closing and locking the door, and laid a hand on Sirius's back. "Sirius, have you heard what's happened?" he asked, his breath hitching.

Sirius looked at him, his face full of pain and anger. "Of course I heard what happened! Who hasn't heard!"

Remus flinched. "Sorry, it's just, you're home so late, and, and, I was so worried you might be gone too!"

"Well, I'm here now. I had to lend my bike to Hagrid. Is Peter here!" Sirius asked, almost yelling.

"No, Sirius, don't you remember, he's on vacation, he told us he was leaving last night," Remus said, trying to calm down his friend.

Sirius growled. "Goddamn coward! He left. On vacation? Bastard!" he yelled shoving the werewolf off of him. Tears caught in the corners of his eyes.

Remus frowned. "It's nothing you need to swear at or get mad over! Sure, Peter wasn't the bravest out of us, but he was no coward! We all need some time away from this bloody war. I say it's about time you took yours!" said Remus, crossing his arms over his chest.

A bitter laugh rose from Sirius. "Of course, Remus, you have no idea what's going on." Remus raised an eyebrow angrily. "It was Peter! Peter did it! Peter killed Lily and James! Peter! And he ran away! He was too afraid to face us after what he did! The bloody coward."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, confusion etched in his voice and on his face.

"He was their secret keeper, Remus! He gave their position away to the Dark Lord! It was him who sold them away! He was the one who murdered our friends!" Sirius said, placing a hand on Remus's shoulder and looking straight into the man's face. "And do you know what else?"

Remus was too astonished to do anything but stare. He couldn't fathom the feelings that were going through him at the point. It had been Peter. Peter had tried to kill their best friends. Peter had sold a baby to Voldemort. Poor, innocent, little Peter was the culprit. The werewolf shook his head.

"It was my fault, too!" Sirius said, laughing darkly, as if it were something to be amused about.

Remus's mouth fell open and he tried to pull away; Sirius's grip was too strong. "What?" he asked in disbelief as he watched tears fall from the other man's brown eyes.

The laugh grew louder. "Oh, yes, Remus, it was my fault, too! They asked me to be their secret keeper, you know, they specifically wanted ME to do the job! But I told them that I couldn't do it! I told them Peter would be better!"

Realization dawned on Remus, and he pulled Sirius into a hug. The Black wept into his shoulder, and muttered about things he had done wrong, about things he wished he could correct. Remus pet his hair, and let tears fall from his own eyes. "Shh, Sirius. It's not your fault. You didn't know that Peter would do that– you couldn't have known that he would. It's ok, shh. I'm still here for you."

The two of them sat down on the couch, and cried together until they were fast asleep, their fingers curled in each other's hair.

* * *

"I woke up in the morning, and he was gone. A few hours later I got an owl from the Ministry telling me that Peter was dead, and the Sirius had been caught. I didn't know what to think for a while. But then the whole world had me convinced that Sirius had lied to me that night. I believed along with the rest of them that Sirius had been in contact with Voldemort; that Sirius had sold Lily, James, and Harry and then had gone to kill Peter, the only one who knew. It hurt so bad, so incredibly bad to know that I had consoled him that night, when it was supposedly he who had killed all our friends."

There was silence as both members of the Order thought over the next twelve years in their heads. Tonks frowned. "How was it to find out that Sirius was innocent?" she asked.

Remus grinned. "It was the happiest I'd felt for over twelve years, and that's a long time to go being unhappy. When I saw Peter on that map at Hogwarts, and then Sirius, I didn't know what to do, exactly. I didn't know whether I should go tell Dumbledore, or to go out there and be with Sirius. I now see that I chose wrongly, but, that was one of the best nights I've had since school– until I changed, of course," he paused, "How did you feel when you found out?"

"I- I was... surprised. I had never really known him, only that he had, for a time, gone against the Black family," Tonks said, smiling.

Silence reined in the room for a few moments. Remus sniffed. "I wasn't with him, that night, when he made the decision to go. I was talking with Molly, reassuring her that everything would go alright, and that we'd see Harry, Ron, and Ginny back to school safe and sound. When he showed up with us, I knew something was going to happen.

"I guess during the battle I tried to prepare myself for something that might happen... but I never imagined that he would die that way. I think I might have let Harry go to the veil if I hadn't needed something solid to keep myself grounded. I-I-" he trailed off, burying his face in his hands again.

"They're all gone this time. I can't bring them back. They won't come back on their own. I don't know what to do..." he said, tears in his eyes. He began to cry.

Soft hands ran gently through his hair again. Soft hands that felt like Sirius's hands. They were soothing hands, good hands. "You don't need to do anything, Remus, besides live your life the way that they wanted you to be: happy. Don't dwell on these things, and if you ever need to talk, you can talk with me. Anytime, anywhere," Tonks said.

Remus let more tears fall from his eyes. Living without them would be hard; it would be painful. But it would be ok, because there were still people that cared about him, and there were still memories; there would always be memories.

* * *

WOOT I FINISHED IT! Ok. So. I don't own Harry Potter or kinder® chocolate, but I thank their creators for letting me use them here. I thank my awesome sister Alex for the inspiration to this fic. She wanted a sbrl story that was friendship and them being together... so... here it is Alex! I also want to thank my beta reader Becky for... beta-ing this fic. She also helped me with a lot of the planning and she made the title _Big Book of Big Bads_. So lots of thanks to them! Yay! One final thing... SIRIUS AND REMUS ROCK! (Remus rocks more, though..sweatdrop) 


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